Need Closure For Your Old Relationship…. Zipper Anyone?!?!

Whether it was a 10 year committed relationship or a month long fling, when the interaction ends there are always so many questions and what ifs lingering.  Men handle them differently than women.  As women we tend to push for answers, understanding and satisfaction from our former partner.  As women we sometimes feel as though we’re stuck and can’t move on without those things.  As women, we have to learn to let go of that death grip we tend to have on trying to get him to satisfy our need to get why it ended and accept that it ended.  The truth is, if you are waiting to be made whole again through closure from your ex….. you may as well buy a zipper.

zipper

Well it doesn’t have to be a zipper, feel free to purchase a button, a snap, velco….whatever.  The point is you are more likely to get closure from those items than you are your former mate.  It’s okay to have questions about where it went wrong, how it went wrong, what was your part, etc… The problem comes in when it is expected that the information is owed to you, the information will make you whole again or the information will miraculously make you ready to move on with your life.  Marriage or a one night stand, if that person hasn’t made a commitment to stay with you and work it out then they don’t owe you anything.  You can feel entitled for as long as you like but the blatant truth is, it isn’t owed to you and you may never get it the way you think you should anyway.

So where can you turn for closure?  Turn to yourself.  Closure always has and always will come from within.  You have to reconcile for yourself (sometimes with no information from your ex) how the break-up will affect you, what it will teach, what it will change about you, how it will tweak your dating process, etc…  Stop calling him.  Stop waiting for him.  Stop Facebook stalking him.  YOU decide.  YOU have the power.  YOU give yourself closure.

As always, I encourage you to share your experience or debate mine!!

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30-60-90 Days: There is a Grace Period to Win Her Back

     So you had an argument and it’s really bad this time, huh? It was so bad, she says it’s over and it’s your fault. Let’s face it, it’ll always be your fault. Before you give up, make-up….you’ve still got time…

     If a woman has feelings for you, then she can’t just turn those feelings off like a switch. It takes time for her to disconnect and move on….no matter how big of a douche you were. It’s a process. 30-60-90 days, nahhhhhhh there isn’t a magic number that pertains to every woman. There are too many variables that directly correspond with how deep her connection to you could be: years of association, level of commitment, sexual compatiblity, how bad you hurt her, how many times you’ve hurt her, etc… All those things and more determine how deeply she’s into you thus how long it will take her to close the door on the chapter of her life that is you.

     If you want her back, the good news is there is a grace period. For what you ask? A grace period in which it is highly possible you can get her back. Regardless of the influence from her friends who never liked you and even regardless of the guys that try to hit on her; if you act quickly enough, with just the right amount of effort,  SHE CAN BE YOURS AGAIN!!!!

     Not only is the grace period about connection depth, it’s also about fantasy and dreams. A woman has been fed both, most of her life. She may have gotten it from her mom’s account of how love goes, Disney’s all-you-need-is-a-song-in-your-heart influence or the romantic comedies she’s always forcing you to watch with her where the asshole dude turned romantic gets the girl.  Whichever the case may be, almost every woman wants a man that will fight for her. If she runs away, she wants him to run after her. More particularly, she wants her man to fight for the “us” that is she and he. If she is running away, she’s probably looking behind her to see where you are.

     How do you maximize the grace period? EFFORT!!! In the movie How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Kate Hudson chooses Matthew McConaughey for the express purpose of breaking up with him. She started off as her normal, cool self to lure him in, then she turns into this crazed girlfriend. She basically tortured him with all the female faux pas to get him to leave.

She cried at the drop of a hat, with no sane reason as the cause.

She bought a plant for him to take care of, called it their “love fern” then totally went left, psycho style when he let it die.

She even went as far as to name his private parts Princess Sofia using a baby voice.

As you can image, a man can only take so much before he snaps. Matthew blows up, Kate dumps him as planned. Enter the unplanned!! He offers couple’s therapy. They go spend time with his family. Effort, effort, effort! Yada, yada, yada! He ends up getting the girl.

Effort! It isn’t always what you did wrong that ends a relationship. Most often, it is the lack of real effort to fix the wrong that equals its finality. You may not have the solution to the problem between you BUT your willingness to work toward a solution will not go unnoticed, within a relationship that is still in the grace period. Your status may not immediately snap back into place, however your effort will keep her heart open to you and you can eventually get there.

If you mess it up, put in work to fix it and do it as sincerely as possible, as soon as possible.