May The Odds Ever Be In Your Favor… (Female Rivalry)

Did it start before high school?  I’m not sure but at some point in some girls’ lives they liked a boy and that boy liked another girl.  Instead of finding a boy that likes her, what does she do… dislike the girl that was chosen.  Female rivalry, sadly it’s alive and well among women of all ages.

It’s clear to everyone but her, the problem is NOT with the other woman but with her man.  Why is it so easy to blame another woman for the short comings of your man’s promises to you?  Why dislike someone you don’t know just because they’ve caught the eye of your sweetheart and become relevant?  Some women simply find it easier to blame the other woman than to require change from their man.  Instead of holding him accountable for his actions, they engage in a laundry list of behaviors:

  • stalking the other woman’s social media
  • getting the other woman’s contact information from their man’s phone
  • calling the other woman to announce yourself as his
  • commenting negatively about the other woman for all the world to see on your social media
  • confronting the other woman however she can

 All those behaviors and more while your man comforts the other woman and tells her YOU are just crazy.  What do you gain besides everybody in your business and still as loyal as ever to him?

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Hunting down other women because they gain the favor of your man is like playing the Hunger Games.  You hope to shoot down every other woman in the running and end up as the last one.  Your strategy is flawed.  The problem is, you don’t have enough ammunition (and sometimes not even the right ammunition) to get rid of all the competition.  The problem is not the competition, the problem is the man placing you within a competition and you are helping HIM to win.  You see now he gets to have you and all the others he chooses to indulge in.  And if two or a few of you fight over him, then he gets even more.  He gets the best of you and the best of them because that’s what people in a competition give….their best.  He gains all the reward and everyone else involved gains a never-ending fight to be on top.

What should you do if you find yourself with a man giving you broken promises and showing affections toward another woman?  You should blame no one but him and decide if you want to share or wish him well.  You should know that what he doesn’t give you another man will and not be afraid to let go if that’s what you want.  You should know if you choose to stay then he need not enjoy exclusivity from you either.  You should know that another woman is NOT responsible for the upkeep of your connection to your man.  You should expect more from yourself than petty antics that still won’t get you what you want.  You should know to value yourself enough not to be immature and instead be and handle things intelligently.

Of course all of this is about another woman who is a stranger to you.  If the other woman is a family member or a friend…

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As always, I encourage you to share your experience or debate mine!!

5 Men a Single Woman Should Date….#AtTheSameDayumTime

DISCLAIMER:  Forgive me for the hash tag abuse, I am mightily aware that the purpose of hash tags is to group together like posts on Twitter and now Instagram.  However, for the past few years hash tags have been abused on Facebook as a way to emphasize apart of your status.  I’ve embraced the latter and have done so here. 😉

Women tend to get upset because they often feel it’s hard to get a man to commit.  I beg the question: why isn’t it harder for women to commit?  It’s only a matter of making a simple decision: don’t try to make the one you’re with, The One.  Instead learn what your One looks like, feels like, handles business like, etc…. and hold auditions.  Oh you didn’t realize that is what most men have most women doing?  And why not?  I mean companies interview for jobs using requirements and performance expectations.  Who’s fault is it that you are so willing to work with what you have in a man when you meet him rather than continue to see who would be a better fit?

While a woman is single, she should be greedy and selfish.  It should be all about her when she’s dealing with men that she dates.  Dating and being single should be fun.  Compromise and understanding is for relationships and if you aren’t in one…  Get the picture?  Too often women are trying to be a girlfriend without having been given the title.  All too willing to be considered rather than be the one doing the considering.

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Stop interviewing for the girlfriend job and hold your own interviews for the job of being your boyfriend!  It’s all about knowing your value and doing your part to accept nothing less than what you deserve.  “Some people are the kind of people to go into a bank like what do I have to do to get this loan and others walk into a bank like what are you willing to do to get my business“.  That’s a quote by author John Wolfe.  Although he wasn’t talking about relationships, it still applies.  Are you the kind of woman that will start with a man seeing what you can do for him or are you the kind of woman that will start with a man making sure he can do what you need done for you?  The latter usually ends up with a greater amount of happiness with her choice.

Who are these five men a woman should look for in her interview processes?  Ben, Stan, E, Richard and Mo.

Ben is a BENefactor.  When he comes into your life, he upgrades it.  A man is a provider and if he is not providing for you then be clear that your relationship will be off balance.  It’s such a natural instinct for man that if he isn’t providing for you, then you can almost bet there is someone else he is providing for in lieu of you.  Providing can be using his contacts, his resources and/or his money.  I don’t encourage you to be a gold digger, just don’t entertain a broke……. Well, you know what Kanye West said, no need in me finishing the statement.

Stan is underSTANding.  He takes the time to find out who you are and what makes you happy.  He can tell by your voice that you’ve had a rough day and responds to your need to relax.  He gets you.  He knows exactly how you will react in certain situations.  You sometimes communicate without even saying a word.  He keeps you positive when you’re being negative.  He is your comfort zone.

E is Entertaining.  You work hard and you should play hard, so who better to play with?  His purpose is to bring balance to your life.  He’s fun and always “on”.  With him it’s all about a good time, whether you go out or stay in.  He caters to your adventurous side and reminds you that life is supposed to be exciting.

Richard is good in bed (some of you will get how the name relates later, if not email me and I’ll tell you the inside joke).  He sexes you upside the wall, just the way you need it.  He makes sure you get yours….twice….before he climaxes.  He is all about pleasing you because he realizes that will translate into him being pleased too.  From a romantic Don Juan to a Christian Grey, he gives you ecstasy just the way you like it.

Mo is the role MOdel.  He is important whether you have children right now or you plan to have them in the future.  From the outside looking in, he is to be your definition of a man.  Other guys respect him but women want their sons to be like him and their daughter to marry someone like him.

Sometimes each of these type of men are not in five separate men.  Your Ben may also be your E or your Stan may also be your Richard and your Mo.  It doesn’t matter when you’re single, just make sure you have each in your life.  When you get good at identifying each of these men and you’re ready to settle down, then your auditions should be geared toward finding one candidate that has the combination of the five that you need to compliment your particular happiness.

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No one is perfect and I’d venture to say that a single man fitting all five types, would be hard to find.  Decide what’s important to you and find HIM.  After you’ve found him and BOTH of you are committed, then you have responsibilities to make sure you compliment his happiness by fulfilling his needs and wants too.

As always, I encourage you to share your experience or debate mine!!