Dude Where’s YOUR Valentine’s Day Gift?

February has 29 days this year, this happens about every four years. It’s Leap Year!!!!! With it, comes a Valentine’s Day tradition: women are to focus on and court men, instead of the other way around. Just as most years she wants her gift and expects a big deal to be made about your love for her, why shouldn’t you expect the same during this special year.  It should all be about appreciating your mate and not materialism. For the purposes of this post, mate will be used as to not leave out the “it’s complicated” nature of today’s relationships. However, it does not refer to physical relationships. If you didn’t actually date each other before Vday, then the notion of the holiday probably won’t change that fact.

But if your mate is someone who cares about you, then why wouldn’t every opportunity be taken to make you feel valued? It is true that people who truly care about one another don’t need a reason nor a holiday to show it. But why not use it to kick things up a notch? It’s Leap Year. You’re the man. Why not have expectations of your woman to recognize you during this time?

So what’d you get?

Your answer should not be the “n” word….NOTHING.  Firstly Vday usually comes after another unofficial holiday season, the income tax refund. If you can’t save a little of that child tax credit to purchase your sweetie something nice, then just go ahead and break up!!! The truth is, it doesn’t take a lot of money to show someone you care and in some instances; it doesn’t take any money at all. It is the thought that counts, however you have to put that thinking cap on. Not spending money means you have to spend more brain power.

a nice handmade card

a CD with songs that remind her of you or one that helps her “ride the beat”

 

homemade chocolate covered strawberries

created “love” coupons for you to redeem for various sexual favors

even a personalized message detailing how she feels about you

Needless to say, a little thought can go a long way. What’s most important is that you feel like the true gift is a woman that cares enough to show you that she cares. There is always a lot of talk about there not being good men. A bigger problem is that a lot of good men don’t feel appreciated. You’re not a bad guy, now stand up and require to be appreciated. Your mate can only get back what they put in. Selfishness is a relationship killer. Anyone requiring more of you than they are willing to give will use you up. Anyone not recognizing you on this day that only comes around for an Olympic span of time, is also of the school of thought that a man is supposed to bring more to the table than a woman.

Me, me, me!!! She’s the same type of woman that would expect you to make her happy rather than being responsible for her own happiness and complimenting yours.  She’s the same woman that would go shopping instead of paying the bills because how people think of her counts more than how you think of her. If your woman can’t find a way to make you feel special on this day, then maybe you need to get rid of that problem to give yourself time to find someone who will. There are a lot of cold hearted women out there but every now and then, among them you find someone that stands out.

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Something Worse Than The Friend Zone

 It’s like you’ve known her forever and she even shares her inner secrets with you. She’s sooooo comfortable around you that she’s herself, no frontin’. You’ve even seen her without makeup and kicked it with her on her bad hair days.  When you’re watching a movie she’ll lay cuddled up under you and may even tilt her head to your shoulder. She trusts you to stay in the other room while she changes clothes and may even streak half naked passed the door way.

Whenever she has guy trouble, it feels like you are her first stop to discuss it and she even thinks out loud about how the guys she dates should be more like you. You wonder if she likes you “like that” because sometimes she’s hot and sometimes she’s cold. She has to like you because the two of you spend time together, right? She almost kissed you in the mouth the last time she gave you a peck to thank you for the money you let her “borrow”. Maybe you just have to figure out the right approach… OR maybe you are in the dreaded FRIEND ZONE!!

     I have news for you. You WISH you were in the friend zone. What you are is the boyfriend substitute. At least in the friend zone she’d offer up some of her female friends as a possible love connection. As the boyfriend substitute, she does everything in her power to block any happenings between you and her female friends. She wants you all to herself; she wants you to be free when she wants you. She wants to be able to break the glass in a boyfriend emergency and be able to use you for all the things she would a boyfriend… if she still had one.

     As a guy, you’re probably thinking of it as an opportunity you can turn into more with just a little persistence. It’s possible, it happens. But that is the exception and not the rule! Sure you can be her Jacob when Edward decides to pick up and leave (Twilight Movie reference).

She’ll immerse you with her time and you’ll seem to get closer and closer. Dinners, movies, get-togethers, family functions, you’ve been everywhere together! Car problems, money problems, personal problems, you’ve been through a lot together! After all you’ve always heard the best relationships come from close friendships. DUDE WAKE UP!!!! She needs you so she won’t think of him or need him. It’s only a matter of time before she either gets back with her Ex or finds her next. If she were into you, she’d have made it abundantly clear by now. She’s only blurring the lines of friendship because it suits her. Basically she’s spending time with you while she’s biding her time for someone else. And if you are telling yourself that she’s had a boyfriend before and come back to you, so that’s proof that you’re destine to be together… MAN LOOK, stop simpin’.  You and this female probably will never been together like that. She’s just not that into you!! Don’t believe me? Ask yourself these questions:

  • Does she introduce you as her friend, stressing the word “friend”, when around family and friends?
  • Do you get the “lol” or “:)” or the like after sending her that “Good morning beautiful” text message?
  • Does she pull back, when you try to get sexual?
  • Does she always tell you she’s glad you guys are friends?

Any of those questions alone, don’t mean much BUT answering yes to more than one tells a different story.  Stop wasting time to figure out ways to get her to want you as more than a friend.

Instead, be cognizant of where you spend your time and energy. Don’t invest in someone who isn’t willing to invest in you. Think you can win her over with just a little more effort? I’ll just watch and it’ll be just like another movie I saw once…

Relationship laundry list or being happy with your choice?

If you are in a relationship and not getting every single thing that you want out if it, ask yourself: do you want a relationship that meets the full laundry list of your requirements or do you want a relationship with a particular person that doesn’t seem to meet them all? The approach is different for each.

Whenever you think you are clear on what you need from a mate to be happy there is invariably a list created in your head.  Your significant other should have this and be that.  If you are a reasonable person, your list eventually shortens from a bunch of wants to foundational needs.  That list includes things like willingness to communicate rather than things like tall, dark and handsome.  Even with a reasonable list of realistic needs, the person applying for the job may not fulfill the entire list.  Do you give up a great person to check off your complete list?  There isn’t a wrong answer to that question, only a wrong answer for YOU.

mordor

If all the items on your list are a must have then the how-to is simple: compare your list to your suitor and proceed accordingly. However, you have signed up for a journey akin to taking the “precious” to Mordor under the scrutinizing eye of Lord Sauron (for you non-geeks, that’s a Lord of the Rings reference).  In plain English, you have chosen to exercise grave patience.  Most people don’t know if the person that has everything on their list exists because they won’t finish the search to find out.

If a person has come along that is evaluated to be worth taking a chance on despite not meeting the full list, then you have a whole different ball game.  Choosing a person to be your companion over the full list you feel your companion should have begins a hefty battle.  Once you’ve decided on a person rather than ALL the things you think you would need from someone in the position you have given them, your approach has to change.  Instead of that person measuring up to your standards, most of your interaction with that person will be you adjusting your standards.  All the things about a person that you thought would make you happy are replaced by a person and all their flaws that you’ve chosen to create your happiness with.  Picking that person includes picking their decision making, picking their personality, picking their way to receive and give love, etc… You will need a plethora of acceptance and perseverance. BUT what do you know… that’s what long lasting relationships need anyway. You just may find out that the happiness from being with the person you’ve chosen is far better than the totality of any list you could have created.

As always, I encourage you to share your experience or debate mine!!

Need Closure For Your Old Relationship…. Zipper Anyone?!?!

Whether it was a 10 year committed relationship or a month long fling, when the interaction ends there are always so many questions and what ifs lingering.  Men handle them differently than women.  As women we tend to push for answers, understanding and satisfaction from our former partner.  As women we sometimes feel as though we’re stuck and can’t move on without those things.  As women, we have to learn to let go of that death grip we tend to have on trying to get him to satisfy our need to get why it ended and accept that it ended.  The truth is, if you are waiting to be made whole again through closure from your ex….. you may as well buy a zipper.

zipper

Well it doesn’t have to be a zipper, feel free to purchase a button, a snap, velco….whatever.  The point is you are more likely to get closure from those items than you are your former mate.  It’s okay to have questions about where it went wrong, how it went wrong, what was your part, etc… The problem comes in when it is expected that the information is owed to you, the information will make you whole again or the information will miraculously make you ready to move on with your life.  Marriage or a one night stand, if that person hasn’t made a commitment to stay with you and work it out then they don’t owe you anything.  You can feel entitled for as long as you like but the blatant truth is, it isn’t owed to you and you may never get it the way you think you should anyway.

So where can you turn for closure?  Turn to yourself.  Closure always has and always will come from within.  You have to reconcile for yourself (sometimes with no information from your ex) how the break-up will affect you, what it will teach, what it will change about you, how it will tweak your dating process, etc…  Stop calling him.  Stop waiting for him.  Stop Facebook stalking him.  YOU decide.  YOU have the power.  YOU give yourself closure.

As always, I encourage you to share your experience or debate mine!!

Can You Stand The Rain?

 When it’s good….mannnnnnnnnnnn it’s great. But when it’s bad….are you ready to bail? When I refer to can you stand the rain, I’m not talking about that sexy rain that makes crotches get slid to the side.

I’m not even talking about the kind of rain that you get drenched in but you’ll dry off and be no worse for wear. Well you may get the sniffles but you don’t feel death at your door.

I’m talking about the kind of rain that comes with names like Katrina!

Yeah, really bad storms in your relationship. The kind of messed-upness that when it comes, it makes you wish for a Rip Van Winkle sleep so it will be completely over when you wake up!!!

            You and your girl have been getting along. You hung up your Playa Card and endured the epic slander that is your boys saying she’s got you whipped because you’ve settled down a little.  It’s not marriage, but maybe one day… You’ve seen her without make-up and even on the days she wouldn’t dare let anyone else see her.

Somehow you still didn’t run away. You two have even had your share of arguments that ended in the best of make-up sex. This girl has got to be the one “or you’re caught in the Matrix” (thanks Jay-Z). In a word, you’re happy! Then it happens BOOM! The fight that has Hiroshima’d how things were and now you’re not so sure of how things will be anymore. That fight that brings about the need for a time machine because things were great just yesterday. You feel like if you could just get passed this, everything would be fine BUT for now

The first thing you have to understand, nobody EVER got over something by stopping. When you can’t get around it, you get over something by going through it to get to the other side. The first thing you have to do when things calm down a little, is fight fair. Apologize for any needlessly hurtful things you said during Round 1 but don’t do it to get an apology from her.  Do it because you didn’t mean to hurt her. Most men think women are simply too sensitive but sometimes, men are just too insensitive. She’s your girl because you felt she was the best choice from the pool of singles you had to choose from what was out there. If she’s not like them, then you can’t treat her like them. You actually care about her, show it when it counts.

             Second, realize that if she’s responding to you then that’s a good thing. If she is talking, then she’s still trying to work on the relationship with you. You may get a silent treatment at first. Think about some of the things you said, do you deserve the silent treatment for a little bit? If she wants to work through it, she’ll soon come off the silence.

             Thirdly, talking is great but you want to turn talking into communicating. A part of communicating includes actually listening to what the other person has to say. Another part is taking the time to make sure you UNDERSTAND what that person is trying to say, what point they are trying to get across. Sometimes you could be saying the same thing but because you didn’t use the right words that person needed to hear to get it… miscommunication ensues.

 Real communication involves speaking without offending and listening without defending. – @DarkSkin

 No one can really tell you WHAT to say to get things on track but how about a game plan on HOW to say them. I’ll paraphrase a quote that gives you the sentiment of how to handle it: each time you discuss instead of demand, you strengthen your relationship. Same goes for speaking with respect instead of sarcasm, and listening instead of dismissing, and engaging instead discharging.

             Finally, if communication is the key, then action is what gets the door open after it is unlocked. Once a compromise is reached, you have to take steps to implement the plan that the two of you agreed upon. If it sounded better as theory but the application doesn’t quite work for you, then bring it back to the table for discussion. Remember you had an agreement, don’t change what you decided together for something you decided alone.

 Do the work and you could start to see the rainbow and leave the storm behind.

 You could always just decide forget it all and get back in the dating pool. But let’s just be honest, she was your best choice when you were in the single area before.  You have changed and not just anyone will accept your protruding nipples with a straight face. Besides…

Ask Sha’ re Feminist Propaganda bullsh!t

I didn’t get a question. It was a comment. I will cut and paste it, as not to misquote:

men commit to relationships wwwaaay more serious than women…youre just spewing the normal feminist propaganda bullshit..

First, I’d like to ask, who threw-up in your Cheerios sweetie?  Second, I can only assume you were referring to the recent post 5 Men Single Women Should #AtThesameDayumTime and the line that went “Women tend to get upset because they often feel it’s hard to get a man to commit.” Clearly you didn’t catch that I said women FEEL it’s hard to get a man to commit. Despite your mistaken comprehension of my post, let’s talk more anyway. You were kind enough to add a YouTube video to your correspondence. I have embedded the video below  to oblige your need for cross marketing for it from that audience to mine. 😉 I don’t know if you are the video author of this clip or simply a fanatic of it because you didn’t disclose. I’ll simply call you Mr. IP Address: 71.82.15.93.  The video starts by defining a woman attempting to persuade a man of her desires as “gyno-speak”. I assume the reference was a play on words as related to gynecology. I’m sure you thought that was as cute as I thought calling a dick the name Richard was cute in my post. To each his own on that point.  The video goes on to label a commitment as a man giving up his freedom and a woman using “shaming” language to accomplish this goal. It then continues on a tyriad about men not being commitment-phobes but being labeled as such by women who want to induce “domestic slavery”.  I apologize to you for stopping at the 3:53  point of the 12:09 video but I’d heard quite enough to back my initial opinion that you clearly misunderstood my post you lovingly labeled as “feminist propaganda bullshit”. However, I did surmise a few more points for you even having only heard about 1/3 of your recommended media delivered in a condescendingly robotic voice.

  • I never said men were commitment-phobes. I said they are selective and don’t easily settle for less than what they want. I then advised women to follow suit.
  • Every woman doesn’t want a commitment.
  • The video is a negative person speaking from a negative point of view probably not realizing that is the very state that lends itself to a self fulfilling prophecy of attracting negativity. I believe the saying goes, “if you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right”. I’ll translate it to apply here: if you expect that every woman that wants to be exclusive with you is inducting you into domestic slavery with vagina speak, then that is what you will attract.

I want to thank you so much for sharing. YOUR thought process is the exact thought process of a man that looks for woman to audition to earn your focus; regardless of your qualifications (or lack thereof ) for that focus. Thus proving the need for the original point of my advice………..ladies, qualify men (and friends, family, etc…) for your precious time and hearts.

30-60-90 Days: There is a Grace Period to Win Her Back

     So you had an argument and it’s really bad this time, huh? It was so bad, she says it’s over and it’s your fault. Let’s face it, it’ll always be your fault. Before you give up, make-up….you’ve still got time…

     If a woman has feelings for you, then she can’t just turn those feelings off like a switch. It takes time for her to disconnect and move on….no matter how big of a douche you were. It’s a process. 30-60-90 days, nahhhhhhh there isn’t a magic number that pertains to every woman. There are too many variables that directly correspond with how deep her connection to you could be: years of association, level of commitment, sexual compatiblity, how bad you hurt her, how many times you’ve hurt her, etc… All those things and more determine how deeply she’s into you thus how long it will take her to close the door on the chapter of her life that is you.

     If you want her back, the good news is there is a grace period. For what you ask? A grace period in which it is highly possible you can get her back. Regardless of the influence from her friends who never liked you and even regardless of the guys that try to hit on her; if you act quickly enough, with just the right amount of effort,  SHE CAN BE YOURS AGAIN!!!!

     Not only is the grace period about connection depth, it’s also about fantasy and dreams. A woman has been fed both, most of her life. She may have gotten it from her mom’s account of how love goes, Disney’s all-you-need-is-a-song-in-your-heart influence or the romantic comedies she’s always forcing you to watch with her where the asshole dude turned romantic gets the girl.  Whichever the case may be, almost every woman wants a man that will fight for her. If she runs away, she wants him to run after her. More particularly, she wants her man to fight for the “us” that is she and he. If she is running away, she’s probably looking behind her to see where you are.

     How do you maximize the grace period? EFFORT!!! In the movie How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days, Kate Hudson chooses Matthew McConaughey for the express purpose of breaking up with him. She started off as her normal, cool self to lure him in, then she turns into this crazed girlfriend. She basically tortured him with all the female faux pas to get him to leave.

She cried at the drop of a hat, with no sane reason as the cause.

She bought a plant for him to take care of, called it their “love fern” then totally went left, psycho style when he let it die.

She even went as far as to name his private parts Princess Sofia using a baby voice.

As you can image, a man can only take so much before he snaps. Matthew blows up, Kate dumps him as planned. Enter the unplanned!! He offers couple’s therapy. They go spend time with his family. Effort, effort, effort! Yada, yada, yada! He ends up getting the girl.

Effort! It isn’t always what you did wrong that ends a relationship. Most often, it is the lack of real effort to fix the wrong that equals its finality. You may not have the solution to the problem between you BUT your willingness to work toward a solution will not go unnoticed, within a relationship that is still in the grace period. Your status may not immediately snap back into place, however your effort will keep her heart open to you and you can eventually get there.

If you mess it up, put in work to fix it and do it as sincerely as possible, as soon as possible.

Releasing HER freak

     

     Have you tried to do or suggest some things but your woman’s refusal has you wondering where her inner freak is hiding?  There are women who are naturally curious and experimental, those traits cross over to their sexuality easily.  There are women who simply won’t venture out, no matter what their partner says or does. Still yet, there are women with that touch of freak just waiting to come out. The latter is who we’ll focus on.

     First consider a few things, women are taught from girlhood to be a lady. They are told over and over again what makes them a lady and what does not. Anything even remotely sexual is deemed unladylike and immediately stomped out of their public behavior pattern. An extreme obstacle can be created when women are reared in the church to such starch guidance, that there is a seed in them sprouting confusion over right and wrong as it pertains to sexuality.

An average obstacle, seen almost daily in discussions on social media sites, can be the freak versus hoe argument. Most women don’t mind being seen as a freak but none are too keen on being labeled a hoe. What’s the difference? For the purposes of this article: a freak is someone who is sexually free with a significant partner(s); a hoe is someone who is free sexually with a significant amount of partners with no significance. Whether the obstacle is extreme or average, many women struggle with how much of themselves is honorable to give to a man. Enter the age old question; how do you get her to go from

   to   !!!!

     The reason you haven’t seen it may be because you don’t bring it out of her. Are there trust issues between you two already? You may not see the correlation but if she can’t trust you or your behavior, she probably won’t trust you enough to show you her freaky side. Do you have a predictable sexual routine? If you go from missionary to the buck to the scissors most every sexual encounter then maybe she doesn’t think YOU have a freaky side. If you are not doing well in a twosome, you’ll probably never make it to a threesome. Women get tired of the missionary position and other mundane positions, they need variety too.

     The underlying reasons behind her prudish behavior may not be your fault, but with your help she can overcome them. The name of the game is comfort. If she is comfortable with you, then what’s hidden will come out. This may seem an elementary step but never forget to help your woman feel at ease in her skin. Don’t brag on other women (this includes celebrities) around your woman. Most women already have a tendency to compare themselves with each other. If you are giving her someone to compare herself to and she feels that she falls short… well, no freak for you. Conversely, do say things that let her know you love her body just the way it is. If she feels like you think she’s sexy, then she’s more apt to feel and act sexy. How she feels ABOUT her body directly effects how she responds WITH her body. Flattery gets you everywhere, including a place of impromptu oral. So get your head out your ass and get those sexy reinforcing words flying often.

     You’d be surprised how many women haven’t experienced an orgasm. If she’s not getting that “O”, she’s less likely to spice things up. A female orgasm can be a complex thing. A person has to be focused on the act of sex to truly enjoy it to the fullest. It can be harder for women to even get into the frame of mind because by nature, they think about a million things at once. Don’t believe me? Fine, I’ll prove it.

As a man your response may be along the lines of : she got a fat ass, ohhh she ain’t got no panties on, I’d hit that from the back, etc… You may have more than one thought, but they will be cohesive to sex.  A woman will respond something like this: I wonder if she has on white shoes too, that black purse is NOT complimenting that outfit, I hope it’s not after Labor Day, I ate too much during the holiday, I need to start back exercising, I never did make my doctor’s appointment, I have to go by Walmart, etc… She’ll always have more than one thought, but they will hardly ever stay concentrated on what you’d deem the same subject. With that said, you’ll have to help her stay focused on the prize. Once something feels great, focus is easily placed on it. A good way to achieve that is through awesome foreplay. Don’t just jump on top to “do your business”. You’re not mister and she’s not Celie. If you want more out of it, you’ll have to put more into it. Anything that stimulates the clitoris is usually a sure fire win/win. Use your tongue, a moist finger, a battery powered bullet, etc… Once those juices start flowing the sensation alone will keep her attentive to the task at hand.

Give a girl an amazing feeling to chase and she’ll follow you to places to re-live that experience. As a man, you almost have to think of sex like tithing. What you give, will come back to you tenfold!! You can opt to do nothing different but you’ll have to keep using THIS move to a dvd of Pinkie trying to use her T-rex arms and a pink wig to make your fantasies coming true…

 

They Won’t STFU Communicating in Secret Woman Language

Women_Can_t_Learn_to_Stop_Gossiping

It’s well known that females like to talk.  We talk to our friends.  We talk to our co-workers.  We talk to you (to death, let you guys tell it).  We also talk to the other women you’ve dated in the past and/or to anyone we think you may be interested in/dating in addition to us.  Oh yeah…we talk.  Often it isn’t direct and even more often, men don’t pick up on it.  Back in the day we’d dedicate a song to you on the most popular station of the radio.

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“This next song goes out to Dexter of Pleasant Grove from Laura.  She wants you to know that no matter the hard times, she will always love you.”

These days women symbolically pee around their territory on social networks.  It may be a subtweet (a tweet referring to a person without using their name) or it may be a Facebook post.

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          As a man, most of you will think such behavior is catty and petty.  Why are women like this?  What drives this kind of behavior? In a word…jealousy.

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Even a secure woman can feel some kind of way if they feel the presence of another woman growing in your life or you show what they deem as undue attention to another woman or women.

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How does YOUR woman even know about anyone else?  Even if you haven’t left evidence or done anything different, the other woman will begin to make her own presence known.  If a woman is in “like”, let alone in love with you then she will always crave to be top dog.  I call this the fight to be relevant.  Even the friends with benefits partner will maneuver for a top spot once she gets a whiff of competition.  Competition over a man will NEVER not feel like a threat to a woman.  We can’t even share clothes, very few of us can successfully share a man.  In fact, most women are driven by the fear of having to share a man or losing out to another woman after unknowingly having shared a man.  We want to know we were your best choice…we prefer to be your only choice.  That preference is what drives us to destroy any possible competition.  If competition exists we WILL find her because as soon as we get that whiff of competition, we shift into observant detective overload.

A Jealous Woman Does Better Research Than The FBI

We start to leave “messages”.  The main message is girlfriend, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE!  Sometimes it’s your own carelessness as a man that plays a part in giving you away.  Maybe the date you paid for at the frou-frou restaurant which wasn’t with her, was evidenced by the receipt displaying that big tip you left to make a good impression.

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Most often is something she did that you missed to test the waters with her message. She conveniently puts her lipstick stained glass in the sink with the stain facing another dish rather than outward where you’d immediately see it.  You look for stains on in the middle of the sheets but what about the make-up stains on the pillow case that she flipped over as she made your bed hoping you wouldn’t be the first to see it.

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Hair pins or a pair of earrings left in your window sill hidden by your blinds only to be discovered by the other female when she goes to use the same window sill as a shelf too.  Get a nightstand for the other side of the bed too dude! lol  The shadowy area under the guest side of the bed can be refuge to any number of not-so-big items left by a woman for the next guest to find.  Next thing you know, you’re being asked “Who’s is this?”

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She’s the last one in the bathroom before you leave for work and she’s opportunistically put your condom on the top of the trash.  Your kidney fails you because you don’t have a reason to go into your bathroom before having company directly after work.

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Oh the bathroom is not your friend and instead can be one of the biggest tattletales.  You may catch the girl soap she left on the tub but what about the travel sized body spray she left under the sink in the far corner behind your toilet tissue supply.  Of course it wouldn’t be your life if your girlfriend didn’t discover it while changing the empty roll.  A dirty linen hamper can be a foe with purpose too.  Housing light colored washcloths or towels with make-up stains or a few too many used towels when you are clearly on the same set as last week can all be a dead giveaway.  Here’s one, she recognizes the hair in your brush as not her own.  Heck you thought it was hers, it’s the same color!!

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Once the language of “You Aren’t the Only One” commences then it is received loud and clear then is usually answered with woman speak for “I’m more relevant than you”.  Once this “talk” begins, it’s all downhill from there.  Drama ensues!!

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Whether you are upfront about dating more than one woman at a time or you have a girlfriend and you’re cheating…trust becomes an issue.  She may not trust that you are as committed as you say or she doesn’t trust she gets more of you than other women, either way the dynamic of the relationship changes.  Now she’s checking your phone or watching you closely every time you pick up your phone.

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   cheat

When she gets a name, the real craziness arises!  You imagine she’ll just be done with you and leave.  Nope!!  She’ll stay up at night upset over what she’s discovered, sure.  She’ll think about how you’re the scum of the earth and how you don’t deserve her…

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…BUT you won’t get off that easy.  Some women actually think that winning is keeping the man and making the other woman let go.  What usually happens is, neither woman wants to let go.  So instead that’s when the fight started, yes even physical fights sometimes.

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Most definitely, as a sign of the times, social media fights.

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          Women talk.  Sometimes we use our own language that goes above the head of the average man, however we manage to get the message across to others in our species.  With the ratio of women to men being to your advantage, be more aware of the messages being sent by the women in your life.  All of these messages are not verbal and all are not direct.  No matter how much you may wish for it, you probably won’t get us to…

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The Book And The Cover

(A post from my personal blog.)

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            I was watching the Blind Side….for the first time today.  It was a beautiful story. At the end they shared pictures of the real Michael Oher and his family.

 

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My first thought was if I’d seen those same pictures without knowing the story behind their family, I’d have judged them all wrong. I’d have thought, if even for a moment: that white family probably stepped in to help that black boy only due to his football ability and got paid off it in the end. It doesn’t come from a racist point of view, it comes from a “people always taking advantage of others” point of view. Besides, as the daughter of a white man and a black woman… I can say what I want about either race, so shut it!! Amazing how the first “cover” we give to “books” we haven’t read tends to be negative.

 

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         We’re told not to judge others. As humans we have a tendency to characterize and categorize. It’s actually a defense mechanism. You do it to get a feel on how to interact with things and even people. Sometimes our judgment is off and sometimes it’s spot on.

 

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         I venture to stand firm that people NEED to and SHOULD judge others.  I qualify the people in my life. It is a rare occasion that someone gets something (not always material things) from me that they weren’t qualified to receive. Who’s standards do I use? My own. My standards of qualification are led by my spiritual connection, how I was raised, what my environment has taught me and even sometimes what society has pushed on me.

         To judge before knowing about something is needed to quickly assess danger. I argue the quote “don’t judge a book by its cover” is not a good lesson. Most often in life you don’t have time to read the book, you may not have access to the Cliff Notes or half way through the book you realize it was a bad choice but it’s too late and you’ll never get that time/opportunity back.

 

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          Apply that to relationships, possible jobs, child care options, etc… Sometimes all you may have is a few minutes to judge whether something is good for you or not….good for your kids or not. You HAVE to judge and you have to be good at it and get better at it. Always judge BUT never be unwilling to adjust that judgment with the revelation of new information. Don’t be afraid to change your mind based on what you’ve learned since your initial judgment.

 

 MindPower