Why Do People Cheat?… an exert from The Talk with DK and Sha’ Thursday Nights at 8 pm EST on Blab. Want to hear the rest of the conversation? Follow @DKWalker1 and @Sha_iWrite on Blab and go listen to the replay of Cheating: It’s YOUR Fault. #TheTalkDKandSha
Did it start before high school? I’m not sure but at some point in some girls’ lives they liked a boy and that boy liked another girl. Instead of finding a boy that likes her, what does she do… dislike the girl that was chosen. Female rivalry, sadly it’s alive and well among women of all ages.
It’s clear to everyone but her, the problem is NOT with the other woman but with her man. Why is it so easy to blame another woman for the short comings of your man’s promises to you? Why dislike someone you don’t know just because they’ve caught the eye of your sweetheart and become relevant? Some women simply find it easier to blame the other woman than to require change from their man. Instead of holding him accountable for his actions, they engage in a laundry list of behaviors:
All those behaviors and more while your man comforts the other woman and tells her YOU are just crazy. What do you gain besides everybody in your business and still as loyal as ever to him?
Hunting down other women because they gain the favor of your man is like playing the Hunger Games. You hope to shoot down every other woman in the running and end up as the last one. Your strategy is flawed. The problem is, you don’t have enough ammunition (and sometimes not even the right ammunition) to get rid of all the competition. The problem is not the competition, the problem is the man placing you within a competition and you are helping HIM to win. You see now he gets to have you and all the others he chooses to indulge in. And if two or a few of you fight over him, then he gets even more. He gets the best of you and the best of them because that’s what people in a competition give….their best. He gains all the reward and everyone else involved gains a never-ending fight to be on top.
What should you do if you find yourself with a man giving you broken promises and showing affections toward another woman? You should blame no one but him and decide if you want to share or wish him well. You should know that what he doesn’t give you another man will and not be afraid to let go if that’s what you want. You should know if you choose to stay then he need not enjoy exclusivity from you either. You should know that another woman is NOT responsible for the upkeep of your connection to your man. You should expect more from yourself than petty antics that still won’t get you what you want. You should know to value yourself enough not to be immature and instead be and handle things intelligently.
Of course all of this is about another woman who is a stranger to you. If the other woman is a family member or a friend…
As always, I encourage you to share your experience or debate mine!!
It’s well known that females like to talk. We talk to our friends. We talk to our co-workers. We talk to you (to death, let you guys tell it). We also talk to the other women you’ve dated in the past and/or to anyone we think you may be interested in/dating in addition to us. Oh yeah…we talk. Often it isn’t direct and even more often, men don’t pick up on it. Back in the day we’d dedicate a song to you on the most popular station of the radio.
“This next song goes out to Dexter of Pleasant Grove from Laura. She wants you to know that no matter the hard times, she will always love you.”
These days women symbolically pee around their territory on social networks. It may be a subtweet (a tweet referring to a person without using their name) or it may be a Facebook post.
As a man, most of you will think such behavior is catty and petty. Why are women like this? What drives this kind of behavior? In a word…jealousy.
Even a secure woman can feel some kind of way if they feel the presence of another woman growing in your life or you show what they deem as undue attention to another woman or women.
How does YOUR woman even know about anyone else? Even if you haven’t left evidence or done anything different, the other woman will begin to make her own presence known. If a woman is in “like”, let alone in love with you then she will always crave to be top dog. I call this the fight to be relevant. Even the friends with benefits partner will maneuver for a top spot once she gets a whiff of competition. Competition over a man will NEVER not feel like a threat to a woman. We can’t even share clothes, very few of us can successfully share a man. In fact, most women are driven by the fear of having to share a man or losing out to another woman after unknowingly having shared a man. We want to know we were your best choice…we prefer to be your only choice. That preference is what drives us to destroy any possible competition. If competition exists we WILL find her because as soon as we get that whiff of competition, we shift into observant detective overload.
We start to leave “messages”. The main message is girlfriend, YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE! Sometimes it’s your own carelessness as a man that plays a part in giving you away. Maybe the date you paid for at the frou-frou restaurant which wasn’t with her, was evidenced by the receipt displaying that big tip you left to make a good impression.
Most often is something she did that you missed to test the waters with her message. She conveniently puts her lipstick stained glass in the sink with the stain facing another dish rather than outward where you’d immediately see it. You look for stains on in the middle of the sheets but what about the make-up stains on the pillow case that she flipped over as she made your bed hoping you wouldn’t be the first to see it.
Hair pins or a pair of earrings left in your window sill hidden by your blinds only to be discovered by the other female when she goes to use the same window sill as a shelf too. Get a nightstand for the other side of the bed too dude! lol The shadowy area under the guest side of the bed can be refuge to any number of not-so-big items left by a woman for the next guest to find. Next thing you know, you’re being asked “Who’s is this?”
She’s the last one in the bathroom before you leave for work and she’s opportunistically put your condom on the top of the trash. Your kidney fails you because you don’t have a reason to go into your bathroom before having company directly after work.
Oh the bathroom is not your friend and instead can be one of the biggest tattletales. You may catch the girl soap she left on the tub but what about the travel sized body spray she left under the sink in the far corner behind your toilet tissue supply. Of course it wouldn’t be your life if your girlfriend didn’t discover it while changing the empty roll. A dirty linen hamper can be a foe with purpose too. Housing light colored washcloths or towels with make-up stains or a few too many used towels when you are clearly on the same set as last week can all be a dead giveaway. Here’s one, she recognizes the hair in your brush as not her own. Heck you thought it was hers, it’s the same color!!
Once the language of “You Aren’t the Only One” commences then it is received loud and clear then is usually answered with woman speak for “I’m more relevant than you”. Once this “talk” begins, it’s all downhill from there. Drama ensues!!
Whether you are upfront about dating more than one woman at a time or you have a girlfriend and you’re cheating…trust becomes an issue. She may not trust that you are as committed as you say or she doesn’t trust she gets more of you than other women, either way the dynamic of the relationship changes. Now she’s checking your phone or watching you closely every time you pick up your phone.
When she gets a name, the real craziness arises! You imagine she’ll just be done with you and leave. Nope!! She’ll stay up at night upset over what she’s discovered, sure. She’ll think about how you’re the scum of the earth and how you don’t deserve her…
…BUT you won’t get off that easy. Some women actually think that winning is keeping the man and making the other woman let go. What usually happens is, neither woman wants to let go. So instead that’s when the fight started, yes even physical fights sometimes.
Most definitely, as a sign of the times, social media fights.
Women talk. Sometimes we use our own language that goes above the head of the average man, however we manage to get the message across to others in our species. With the ratio of women to men being to your advantage, be more aware of the messages being sent by the women in your life. All of these messages are not verbal and all are not direct. No matter how much you may wish for it, you probably won’t get us to…
STFU For A Better Relationship 