commitment-phobe | STFU For A Better Relationship

Whether it was a 10 year committed relationship or a month long fling, when the interaction ends there are always so many questions and what ifs lingering. Men handle them differently than women. As women we tend to push for answers, understanding and satisfaction from our former partner. As women we sometimes feel as though we’re stuck and can’t move on without those things. As women, we have to learn to let go of that death grip we tend to have on trying to get him to satisfy our need to get why it ended and accept that it ended. The truth is, if you are waiting to be made whole again through closure from your ex….. you may as well buy a zipper.

Well it doesn’t have to be a zipper, feel free to purchase a button, a snap, velco….whatever. The point is you are more likely to get closure from those items than you are your former mate. It’s okay to have questions about where it went wrong, how it went wrong, what was your part, etc… The problem comes in when it is expected that the information is owed to you, the information will make you whole again or the information will miraculously make you ready to move on with your life. Marriage or a one night stand, if that person hasn’t made a commitment to stay with you and work it out then they don’t owe you anything. You can feel entitled for as long as you like but the blatant truth is, it isn’t owed to you and you may never get it the way you think you should anyway.

So where can you turn for closure? Turn to yourself. Closure always has and always will come from within. You have to reconcile for yourself (sometimes with no information from your ex) how the break-up will affect you, what it will teach, what it will change about you, how it will tweak your dating process, etc… Stop calling him. Stop waiting for him. Stop Facebook stalking him. YOU decide. YOU have the power. YOU give yourself closure.

As always, I encourage you to share your experience or debate mine!!

I didn’t get a question. It was a comment. I will cut and paste it, as not to misquote:

men commit to relationships wwwaaay more serious than women…youre just spewing the normal feminist propaganda bullshit..

First, I’d like to ask, who threw-up in your Cheerios sweetie? Second, I can only assume you were referring to the recent post 5 Men Single Women Should #AtThesameDayumTime and the line that went “Women tend to get upset because they often feel it’s hard to get a man to commit.” Clearly you didn’t catch that I said women FEEL it’s hard to get a man to commit. Despite your mistaken comprehension of my post, let’s talk more anyway. You were kind enough to add a YouTube video to your correspondence. I have embedded the video below to oblige your need for cross marketing for it from that audience to mine. 😉 I don’t know if you are the video author of this clip or simply a fanatic of it because you didn’t disclose. I’ll simply call you Mr. IP Address: 71.82.15.93. The video starts by defining a woman attempting to persuade a man of her desires as “gyno-speak”. I assume the reference was a play on words as related to gynecology. I’m sure you thought that was as cute as I thought calling a dick the name Richard was cute in my post. To each his own on that point. The video goes on to label a commitment as a man giving up his freedom and a woman using “shaming” language to accomplish this goal. It then continues on a tyriad about men not being commitment-phobes but being labeled as such by women who want to induce “domestic slavery”. I apologize to you for stopping at the 3:53 point of the 12:09 video but I’d heard quite enough to back my initial opinion that you clearly misunderstood my post you lovingly labeled as “feminist propaganda bullshit”. However, I did surmise a few more points for you even having only heard about 1/3 of your recommended media delivered in a condescendingly robotic voice.

I never said men were commitment-phobes. I said they are selective and don’t easily settle for less than what they want. I then advised women to follow suit.
Every woman doesn’t want a commitment.
The video is a negative person speaking from a negative point of view probably not realizing that is the very state that lends itself to a self fulfilling prophecy of attracting negativity. I believe the saying goes, “if you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right”. I’ll translate it to apply here: if you expect that every woman that wants to be exclusive with you is inducting you into domestic slavery with vagina speak, then that is what you will attract.

I want to thank you so much for sharing. YOUR thought process is the exact thought process of a man that looks for woman to audition to earn your focus; regardless of your qualifications (or lack thereof ) for that focus. Thus proving the need for the original point of my advice………..ladies, qualify men (and friends, family, etc…) for your precious time and hearts.