by Sha’ (www.YURImagazine.com Lifestyles Tab, Holiday 2011)
It’s the holiday season and some of my sisters are lonely. Some of my sisters are impatient and tired of not having a man! They are tired of seeing couples snuggle up as they shop for gifts together. They are tired of couples feeding each other when dining out. Everyone seems to be happy and with a man, everyone but them. So why are they alone? Where is their boo?
How many times have you heard, everything happens for a reason? Well what exactly is the reason so many women are alone? What if the reason was simpler than you thought? I challenge my single sisters to combat their loneliness with selfishness! Stop focusing on what you don’t have and focus on what you do have. Focus on YOU! Be selfish and do all the things you want to do. Go shopping without explaining the value of the purchase or without sneaking your purchases into the house to avoid explaining them. Eat and complain about it without having to hear someone tell you to do something about it instead of just complaining. Be naked with the lights on! All the things you have to compromise on when you are with a man…be selfish and do them your way!
Avoid situations that exacerbate your feelings of loneliness. It’s okay to not spend a lot of time around your friends that are coupled off. It’s okay to digress from conversations with over bearing people about why you STILL don’t have a man. Replace those situations with single friendly situations. Skip dinner with your couple friends and date yourself at that new restaurant you’ve been dying to try. Instead of sitting at a table or booth…head for the bar!
For goodness sake take a break from the love movies and feeding the fantasy of the knight in shining armor. Unrealistic views of how you’ll meet a man, what his appearance should be or what type of personality he’ll have are more damaging than anything else. What we have in our minds as how things are supposed to be can do more to keep us alone than a shortage of men.
Being single is not the worse thing in the world. Use the time you are given alone to get to know better and spoil yourself. I am by no means proposing that you stay single forever. But think about it, there is nothing like a woman that knows how to treat herself to better identify how she is supposed to be treated by a man. A woman who knows who she is can better recognize what kind of man is more compatible with her. Finally a woman who spoils herself will expect nothing less from a mate.
What do the lonely do at Christmas? They do just what they want to do!
Think you are ready to get back on the horse and start dating again? Well first things first. Date for fun and not just for a life partner. That guy that wants to take you out but you don’t like his teeth, let him take you to a movie. It gives you something to do and you can’t see his teeth in the dark. A long time ago, women used to “date for dinner”. They would go out with men for the purpose of dining out and being social. They would sharpen their conversation skills and knowledge of current events. They knew the value of dating for skills sake. They honed their dating aptitude to seamlessly transfer these talents to a someone special.
I absolutely am not suggesting women not have standards. It is great to have standards. Standards should steer us in the right direction of what we are looking for in a mate and be a guide. However standards should not narrow your pool of potential mates to nil. Make sure you realize what is behind your standards. I have a friend who listed among her standards that a man not have children and be a nurse, as she is a nurse. Those are some VERY specific standards that knock out volumes of men from her consideration. When asked why she had those particular standards, she responded that she didn’t want baby momma drama and she wanted her mate to be able to go on travel nursing assignments with her. I pointed out to her that maybe her standard should be to have a mate that handles his business with his children and their mother in such a way that it doesn’t cause conflict, rather than a mate with no children at all. The problem is neither the children nor the children’s mother. The problem is clearly a lack of boundaries on the part of the mate. As far as a fellow nurse to travel with her on assignments, I reminded her that other professions allow for long travel periods. The roofing business slows down in the winter. A roofer could travel with her in his off season. A writer doesn’t have any ties to a location and could easily travel as often as she liked. Sometimes closing in on specific traits lead to a closed mind and closed opportunities.
Be proactive in your efforts to be available and get yourself out there for potential mates. Wipe that frown off your face and replace it with a smile. If you don’t seem approachable then why would anyone approach you? What does your walk say about you? A confident alluring walk can do wonders for getting you noticed. Get a full length mirror and practice walking toward it. You don’t have to be a model, just don’t be Big Foot. Stop worrying about the things about your physical appearance that you can’t change in an instant. Accentuate the positive and hide the flaws. If you have no butt but a nice rack, then wear a top that shows your cleavage and wear pants that have pockets.
What do the lonely do at Christmas? They prepare themselves to potentially not be lonely next Christmas.
STFU For A Better Relationship 
