Physical Attractiveness: An Important Overlooked Point of Steve Harvey’s Experiment

I take lunch late at work every day. Why? Because it’s like having two breaks when you’re at your desk in peace when everyone else is at lunch and when they return, you leave for lunch. Plus a late lunch brings you closer to going home when you get back to work. On my late lunch breaks I usually catch part of Steve Harvey’s talk show. I love watching that show, partially because I just love watching Steve do his thang. I’ve been a fan since he only did stand up and came to the Stardome in Birmingham, Alabama once a year.

SHatStardome

Anywho… On one show in particular, he had a set of twins on there that had problems finding a man. Y’all know this is Steve’s focus these days; helping women navigate the waters of dating men. As this is my forte’ as well, I often sit high and decide if I agree with his advice or not. Well, I’m sorry to report that I finally found an episode with dating advice that I don’t wholly agree with.

twins

Basically during this episode the twins were revealed to be led mostly by physical attraction when deciding on whether they wanted to continue dating a guy. The guys chosen for the dates were clearly not attractive by average standards. However, they had other great qualities.

the dates

The biggest problem I found with the date is that when the twins realized they were not physically attracted to the guys, they begin to focus their line of questioning on materialistic things. In fact, the questions were rather rude.

On Steve’s show after the date, the men revealed themselves to not only have some great qualities AND THEY WERE FINE TOO!

dude reveal

Now the rest of the show really focused on how unattractive people can have very attractive qualities and therefore should be given consideration. I agree to find the one for you that they should have more than just physical attractiveness. However, the one for you should have good qualities AS WELL AS be attractive to you.  Let me be clear, the one for you can be packaged well and have substance. If you are patient, you can wait to have both. If you qualify, then you will have both. Now if you don’t have what it takes to appeal to who you are attracted to then you may have to either be more patient than most or consider someone with fewer things on your list of must haves. I will be the first to admit that the twins were cute but that old Barbie doll hair weave they had may just be a turnoff to the perfection in a mate they seek. But I don’t think they should just put down the physical qualities they are attracted to just to get a good guy. Good guys can be attractive too. If you want one, have patience and find one!

Here’s the link to that segment of the show. At about 4:06 is when the guys reveal their true selves.

As always, I ask that you share your opinion or debate mine. Have at it in the comments.

Advertisements

Relationship laundry list or being happy with your choice?

If you are in a relationship and not getting every single thing that you want out if it, ask yourself: do you want a relationship that meets the full laundry list of your requirements or do you want a relationship with a particular person that doesn’t seem to meet them all? The approach is different for each.

Whenever you think you are clear on what you need from a mate to be happy there is invariably a list created in your head.  Your significant other should have this and be that.  If you are a reasonable person, your list eventually shortens from a bunch of wants to foundational needs.  That list includes things like willingness to communicate rather than things like tall, dark and handsome.  Even with a reasonable list of realistic needs, the person applying for the job may not fulfill the entire list.  Do you give up a great person to check off your complete list?  There isn’t a wrong answer to that question, only a wrong answer for YOU.

mordor

If all the items on your list are a must have then the how-to is simple: compare your list to your suitor and proceed accordingly. However, you have signed up for a journey akin to taking the “precious” to Mordor under the scrutinizing eye of Lord Sauron (for you non-geeks, that’s a Lord of the Rings reference).  In plain English, you have chosen to exercise grave patience.  Most people don’t know if the person that has everything on their list exists because they won’t finish the search to find out.

If a person has come along that is evaluated to be worth taking a chance on despite not meeting the full list, then you have a whole different ball game.  Choosing a person to be your companion over the full list you feel your companion should have begins a hefty battle.  Once you’ve decided on a person rather than ALL the things you think you would need from someone in the position you have given them, your approach has to change.  Instead of that person measuring up to your standards, most of your interaction with that person will be you adjusting your standards.  All the things about a person that you thought would make you happy are replaced by a person and all their flaws that you’ve chosen to create your happiness with.  Picking that person includes picking their decision making, picking their personality, picking their way to receive and give love, etc… You will need a plethora of acceptance and perseverance. BUT what do you know… that’s what long lasting relationships need anyway. You just may find out that the happiness from being with the person you’ve chosen is far better than the totality of any list you could have created.

As always, I encourage you to share your experience or debate mine!!